Almost 25 Years of Being Alone

For almost 25 years of my life, I never had a boyfriend since birth. Its not that I'm choosy or that no one ever courted me, its just that I have this subconcious mindset that I wanted someone who I'm already familiar with. Maybe it's because I sometimes feel awkward towards a stranger (even with acquaintances) and I'm not very good with getting to know a person in a short time. You see, I'm not an inquisitive person nor am I a too friendly one. And I'm never comfortable with silence in the presence of a stranger.

For almost 25 years of my life, I was living the life of a single. I never need to ask someone else's permission (aside my parents), I get to travel alone, I shop alone, I spend my offs dating myself, I get to bond with my friends and I enjoy trying out new restaurants. Being single is surely all about freedom.

For almost 25 years of my life, I'd been doing things alone, I'd been keeping things to myself, I never need to tell anyone anything, and I never cry over some guy. Its all about me, myself and I. As someone who'd never been in a relationship, I'd been telling people that there are a lot of perks being single. However, there are also a lot of times that I'm wondering where Mr. Right is. I'm jealous with people who have someone they can share with and at the same time I'm afraid of being hurt. But it was still kind of scary to think of growing old alone afterall.

For almost 25 years of my life, I'd kept telling myself that being single is the best. What more is that almost all of the online articles I'd read had been telling so too because you have the freedom to do anything.

Its true that being single gives you a lot of freedom but I will have to say that being in a relationship is also the best thing.



There will be fights when in a relationship, problems here and there, and tears being shed but at the end of the day, if you're with the right guy, it'll be nothing but another roadblock. There is always the pros and cons as like any other relationships but that is a topic for another time. For someone like me, who had already enjoyed my single life to the fullest, I'm totally ready to commit in a relationship and I'm very happy to say that I still have as much freedom as I used to have before.

My guy is not the jealous type, in fact I wanted to see him jealous even just once (which he said he did when we were still friends). He had given me his full trust so I don't need to ask his permission for anything. I don't need to report to him whatever happened in my day nor does he prevented me from doing what I wanted (unless, of course, if it's dangerous).

I still get to go to places and try out new restaurants but now its twice more fun having someone to share it with. So I get to enjoy doing things alone and with someone now. I wouldn't have it any other way anymore.

To all young people out there, enjoy being single as much as you can so that when Mr./Ms. Right comes along you are very much ready to commit.

A Goodnight Message to My Love

Goodnight love.

I was not expecting your visit today. I had thought this would be another day that I will not see you, guess I should have not believed that I'm your least important person. Sorry that I stopped hoping that you would always have a time for me. But thank you for proving me wrong time and time again.

We may not see each other all the time like most couples do but my heart just swells everytime you remind me that I'll always be in your heart. We are not in a long distance relationship but, because we don't see each other everyday, the times that we do are some of the happiest moments of my life.

Thank you for your time and understanding. Thank you for your trust and faithfulness. And above all, thank you for your love.

I love you.

Sweet dreams :)

ME, MYSELF, & I: Not My Day

I went to sleep not feeling well, I woke up not feeling well, I am presently having a conflict of emotions thus I'm having a bad day right now. I feel mad, frustrated, lonely, disappointed, and bad all at the same time. I feel like I want to cry but I don't want to at the same time. I hate this feeling. This is just so not my day. However, I need to be in a good mood in order to come up with an idea.

I don't know how to vent my anger right now because I usually cry. But since that is not an option right now I'll just have to right it down.

I don't want feeling this way because I'm be having a hard time concentrating. Though I tried for the happy thoughts method its still not enough. I just want to move on and get on with the remainder of this day. I wish things had not happened but at the same time I'm quite thankful it didn't happen earlier.

I know I'm rumbling about nonsense already, I just really want to feel better after this. I really hope this helps me in the end.

ME, MYSELF & I: Childishness

I am a grown individual and had reached what I consider as the prime age of maturity, wherein I should have left the child in me. However, that is not the case. I am not only having it as a company but it seems that its not leaving my side anytime soon. And worst is that it seems that it is growing more in me.

Every person has that childishness within them. Its what keeps people sane, idealistic, hopeful, innocent, adorable, and playful. However, at certain age, it is also what makes people irritable, impatient, illogical, and downright dumb. And in my case, I'm feeling myself being more of that negative vibes than the positive ones. Or maybe I'd reached the point wherein childishness is not something to be admired at with someone of my age.

ME, MYSELF, & I: The Imperfect Me

How do you describe a perfect person? How about how you describe yourself? Do you believe yourself to be near perfect? Or do you, like millions of others, admit that you are far from perfection? Had you ever thought of what being perfect really is? Is perfection something you can judge based on what you can see? Who is the role model of perfection? All these (and many others) are questions you may had asked yourself when you start wondering about how to be perfect. I'd also asked myself these same questions and the answer I came up with is I am far too imperfect to ever be the perfect person. And here are the reasons why:

• I don't have a flattering figure, let's just say I'm fat. Except for my butt, nothing about my figure could be considered as a physical asset. I am an overweight person of average height. I have a round face with big cheekbones and small nose. I don't have a long and slender neck. My breasts are of normal sizes. I have a big tummy with lots and lots of body fats. I have a pair of big arms and legs, I even have cellulites (I think so) on my legs.


• I'm not beautiful. I don't have big and beautiful eyes. My lips are not red or pink. My cheeks are not pinkish. I have a subtle mustache and my skin is not flawless, there are scars here and there.


• I have a set of thinning hair. Hair fall has always been my problem and so far I had not found an effective solution for it yet.


• I'm not athletic and have a hard time burning off my excess fats.


• I'm clumsy and forgetful. I have a short term memory lifespan. I could easily forget a lot of things. I also get trips on unexpected places.


• I easily get irritated when things don't go my way and have moody tantrums.


• I'm not good at anything except drawing but that was years ago. I could cook but all of my dish could be considered as experiments.


• I don't have a good sense of humor but I do small things can easily make me happy. I'm not good at telling jokes or making one. All my attempts at joking had been big failures.


• I'm not a good person, I have evil thoughts at times and can do bad things when provoked.

I could lists more things about why I'm not perfect but that would take up too much time. The point is, I had long ago accepted my imperfections and knew that I could never become a perfect person no matter what I do. Though I did accept them it doesn't mean that I'm satisfied with things and just let them be. Oh no...

You see, even though I am totally cool with my imperfections, I know that somehow there is a way to improve myself. Those imperfections are like goal setters that I have to pass in order to become a better me. I am not just aiming for betterment just for myself, I also want to be better for my friends and love ones. I know that with each improvement I also gain self confidence that in turn would help improve my relationship with the people around me.

But, even throughout my imperfections, I am still very much thankful to the people who loves me and had stayed by my side. I'm especially thankful to them for accepting all my imperfections without trying to change me but had been there to encourage me on what I wanted to achieve.

Related articles

• Imperfection (karashealthykitchen.wordpress.com)


• Imperfect Perfection. (unilaglss.wordpress.com)


• Imperfection is not Wrong...Imperfection is being Rightly Human (diedraperry.wordpress.com)


• Imperfection (olawunmiadekunle.wordpress.com)


• Imperfections. (thescarletbombblog.wordpress.com)


• Excellent but Imperfect (joyfullatinlearning.wordpress.com)


• The Imperfect, Yet perfect. (anchalrshah.wordpress.com)


• Imperfection (kchristinalor.wordpress.com)


• Imperfection is Beauty (getnicelytoned.wordpress.com)


• Perfectly Imperfect: Figuring Out What to Have When You Can't Have It All (projecteve.com)

ME, MYSELF & I: A Quick Look Into My Life... So Far

It has been a long time since I'd published any new post and honestly, there are a lot more things I wanted to share for those weeks I'd been on hiatus. A lot of things had happened over the last few months. I wanted to write a lot of things but unfortunately, the four corners of your (and my) computer's screen is not enough to share it all. So here's a quick and vague preview instead into what my life has been this past few months.

The Late Night Zombie Diary: How I Cope with Chronic-Idiopathic Insomnia

Ever since I could recall, I was always struggling with falling into sleep, most of the time I have to force myself to sleep, it never worked though. I don't recall when it exactly started but then I barely remembered anything before I was 6 six years old, before our house burnt down. I used to sleep together with my parents and siblings until I reached 9 years old, when I finally got my own room. When we were still sleeping in 1 room, I always lay wide awake every night and let my imagination ran wild since I cannot really move a lot. And when I got my own room, I would toss and turn to no avail until one day I decided to just use those spare times reading novels. I surely spent more time reading than sleeping because I can finish a novel for an average of 2 nights.

Who Am I?

I never really thought myself

Thank you very much Topsy

Just want to give a quick thank you to Topsy for saving my tweets from my now deactivated twitter account, teamKHSph, although I don't why its there, hahaha. Anyways, now I could retrieve the important links I'd tweeted. Seriously, most of those links are information that took a lot of research and time. This then made finding my references easier. Again, thank you very much to the team behind Topsy.

References:

Twitter profile for teamkhsph - Topsy

Sunday Service at North Point: Why are you afraid?

Late 2011 or early 2012, a peer invited our barkada to attend a Sunday service back at home. It took us weeks before we got to attend that service. So what would you expect if you are to attend a different Sunday service? Would Love, Sex, and Dating be part of it? How about if you are told that the talk would be about the new rules for these things? If you are to tell me that the pastor was openly talking about all these then I would probably think that you're crazy. So imagine my shock when I stepped in and heard it myself. I don't know with the other services and cultures but coming from a conservative Church I was really flabbergasted to receive this postcard (just got this picture online).

After that first day we decided to attend again and again and again. The talk was really interesting not just because of the topic but most especially because of how the pastor related the Bible's teachings to the modern era. The pastor, Les Tilka,was also commendable. He not only captured our 100% attention but he also amazed me with how easy it was to understand what he was saying because most of the foreigners' accent back home were hard to understand. As a young person, I was able to understand more how to apply Jesus' teaching in my life. I am not a Religious person so being able to grasp a clear understanding of the Bible was truly an amazing experience for me (and for my friends too).

Anyways, enough of that eventful Sunday, that is for another day's topic. Yesterday's series is the focus of this post.

The series Follow started last April 7, 2013, yesterday, April 21, was the 3rd part of this series. So far, of the first 3 parts this struck me the most because it was the very answer to my current dilemma. The topic did not really gave me a solution but it did remind me that I should not fear what may happen because God has a reason. Whatever will happen will happen, I just have to accept it whether good or bad because at the end of the road there is a silver lining. I will never forget the questions "Why are you afraid? Don't you have faith?" At the moment when Andy Stanley, the pastor, said those it was at the same moment when it made me realize how inconspicuously God answers our doubts. The most funny thing is Pastor Andy's example is about joblessness, which is my biggest dilemma now, and he even repeated this word over and over again throughout the service.

However, even though I said all these I am still not in that level where my faith never waivers. For all those whose faith never waivers, if you exist, I really salute you. Life is indeed full of unexpected twist and even though most, if not all, are aware that it is part of God's Plan we still doubt where it will take us. it is not easy to Follow Jesus' teachings but its even harder to put your complete faith in God's hands even though you said time and time again that you have complete faith.

Now, this is a very interesting everyday topic. No matter what we are doing or will be doing, we are always expecting some kind of result at the end. It is kind of frustrating when the end result isn't what you hoped for that sometimes we tend to blame someone or something as part of our defense mechanism. Sometimes, we tend to indirectly place this blame on God. It is time to sit back and think, what is it really like to completely Follow?

Oh, you might still be wondering what this Sunday Service is, its North Point Community Church. You can actually attend the service online via live webcast, which is what me and my roommates do. Just check the schedule on their website. Hopefully you are also enlightened with this.